Each morning, I enter my university with a sleepy head. This is the place which has bestowed me with so many achievements, some that overwhelmed me with joy, some which I didn’t even deserve. And on the other hand, has also put me in such melancholies after which a small-town-girl like me could no longer step out of her home. I was among the youngest achievers here and because of my ‘achi angraizi’, started getting the limelight in my very first year. Thus I became subject of criticism and jealousy for many. But that didn’t make me feel superior since all the credit went to the people who supported me and had faith in me.
Then came a phase when I realized that the power of hatred is far greater than the power of love. I call that period of my life “losing”. I was stopped giving opportunities to; I was victimized, fell prey to unjustified revenges; and I was stopped by even my best friends to return to university. There was a time when I was the apple of eye of my family and friends but then came a time when being publicly associated to me became a challenge for them. I always believed that suicides were acts of cowards but at that time, it looked like the only escape to me.
Fortunately, that period lasted for only a few weeks. I then entered a phase of my life which I call “returning”. Things started getting back to normal, or rather I started adjusting with the conditions. People reached out to me accepting me again, some exactly like good old days, some with little doubts in their minds. I was being given opportunities too, reluctantly at first, but then openly and happily.
This story of mixed emotions is the story of my life. A story that is actually a mixed plate having small scoops of happiness along with little bitter reality bites.
So, when my mother wakes me up everyday to start my new day, a flashback of all the good and bad memories passes by me and then I decide that I’m strong enough to put aside the bad ones and live on the support of the goodies.
I can now relate so much with Carl Jung who said
“I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become.”